All at Once: The Pressure to Be Perfectly Non-Toxic (pt. 2)

When I decide to do something, I’m all in.

And when I first learned about the non-toxic lifestyle, I didn’t just dip my toes in the water—I dove in headfirst and swam laps around the pool. Every waking moment was spent researching, reading articles, Googling ingredients, and talking about my latest discoveries to anyone who would listen. It was all-consuming… and I liked it. It gave me purpose. It felt powerful to know the “truth” about what we were eating, putting on our skin, and cleaning our home with.

At the same time, I was navigating an autoimmune diagnosis for our girls—learning everything I could from both medical doctors and specialists, while also exploring every natural remedy I could find: food changes, supplements, holistic therapies, you name it. It was empowering… for a while.

But then real life set in.

These strict rules and high standards I created for our family became harder and harder to maintain—especially when I wanted my kids to still be kids. Birthday party cupcakes, a dinner out for a special occasion, a treat after school with friends… each one felt like a test I was failing.

What started as motivation slowly turned into overwhelm. I felt guilt when I couldn’t meet the bar I had set for myself—like the day I couldn’t afford organic milk and bought regular milk instead. I remember pouring it into their cups and feeling like I was poisoning my children.

The more I learned about food coloring, fragrance, wheat, gluten, fast food—the never-ending list—the heavier it felt to carry. I wanted to unknow what I knew. To go back to a time when I could eat the cupcake, buy the cheaper milk, or grab takeout without the soundtrack of shame playing in my head.

What began as a mission to live better ended up stealing the joy from everyday life. And in chasing “perfectly non-toxic,” I forgot what we were all craving most: balance.

It took me a long time to realize that the constant striving wasn’t actually serving me—or my family—the way I thought it was. What started out as care slowly turned into control, and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of peace. I was exhausted from trying to do it all “right,” and deep down, I knew something had to give. That’s where the shift began—the moment I started stepping back from the hustle and reimagining what “healthy” could look like for us.